Just a Barn

It was just a barn. A really old, leans to the right barn. None of us know how long it’s been on the farm…most likely a hundred years or so.

A barn full of hay, dirt floors and smells. Groundhogs lived under it, the horses filled the stalls, mice scurried for the feed, and the cows knew it was home base during feeding time. Just a very old building designed to make caring for God’s creatures easier.

It amazes me that a soul can get attached to a wooden structure, to a space created by man. A space inhabited by other people and animals for decades before this farm became ours.

We’ve been saying goodbye to the barn for the past month. When strong straight-line winds blew through our little farm in February, the barn took a hit. What had been already weak and feeble suddenly became irreparable. Admitting that it was too old to repair was hard. Deciding to have it pulled down was excruciating.

We’ve cried at the loss, even as we’re so thankful the house didn’t get damaged. We’ve said good-bye to this old building even as we know it’s nothing more than a man-made barn that was never meant to last forever.

It was just a barn, but still it was so much more. It was home and love and family and new life and friends. It sheltered livestock and critters, watched horses age and pass on. It sat stoically at the back of the farm, old and proud, gazing out over the fields. The barn was a regal old girl, part of our home and our lives. And never again will our little farm look or feel the same.

The first colt born in the barn about a year after we moved in.

Trey fell in love with horses early. He’s three in this picture.

The heart of the barn. So many haircuts given and horses saddled right here.

Good-bye old girl…

 

 

My space (literally – not the site)

See Layla in my chair? She thinks she has to sit with me while I write. Sorta crowded that way!

This is my space – where I write, where I edit. I’m so thankful to have a desk and laser printer. I didn’t have either at first and spent many days writing on a laptop and printing on a slow ink-jet printer. It’s also my laundry room! (Notice the ironing board in the background.) What is strange is that I no longer hear the washing machine or dryer while I’m working. If anything, it muffles out the sounds around me so I can concentrate better. It’s soothing in some sort of weird, only I get it, way. If I ever have an office, I think I will have to have a noise machine. Wonder if they make one with a dryer sound, except with no annoying buzzer?!

Hello world!

Have you ever had a dream? A dream that plagues you night and day, that constantly whispers in the back of your mind? I have…I do. Deep in my heart, in a place where I’ve let very few visit, I have a dream. I want to become a writer…a professional, published, making a living at it, writer.  It’s not to say that I haven’t written things – I have. Very few have read them, very few people have seen them, but I have written four completed novels and two partially completed stories over the past decade. I write when I can find the time, which unfortunately isn’t very often. I have a full-time job, a funny and supportive husband, a beautiful daughter just starting college, an energetic son who is a sophomore in high school, and one absolutely spoiled puppy. To say the least, my time for writing is sometimes nil.

It’s what happens to me when I don’t find the time to write that has led me here. The words in my head, the characters, the thoughts that ramble on and on, need an outlet. I need to write often, and I need a way to journal my thoughts while hopefully connecting with other writers in the world. (And if you’re out there, burgeoning or already successful writers, how did you do it? How did your passion become your profession?)

And to be totally honest, I’m creating this blog as an exercise on letting the private side of me out. Yes, I have written four novels, and yes, I haven’t shared them with very many. Those are two truths. This fiery dream I have doesn’t always mesh with my personality.  I hate the word fear but there’s no denying it, is there?  Fear of many things when chasing a dream.  But the realization hit me hard last spring…what could you do if you weren’t afraid?  What could you do with your life if you quit being scared silly all the time?

That’s my new path.  I will not let fear of the unknown dampen my dreams.  So with a deep breath and a little squeal of excitement, I say welcome! Read with me, write with me, let me know your thoughts.