Monthly Archives: July 2014

There’ll Be No Crabgrass in Heaven

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Musings about Heaven from a lowly human:

1.  There’ll be no more crabgrass in Heaven.  Of that I’m totally convinced.  What is that stuff and how the heck is it so strong?  I know there’ll be a day when it doesn’t consume my grass and flowerbeds anymore.

2.  Food:  No longer will it be the thorn in my side, the very bane of my existence.  I can’t eat onions, peppers, spices, red sauces – just to name a few.  What I can eat and love (southern comfort food), makes me gain weight if I even glance its way.  One day my diet will consist of more than almonds, eggs, Greek yogurt and Rice Chex, and I can’t wait.

3.  Dentist will no longer drill.  No more smelling the powdery smoke that settles in your nostrils as they grind away on your teeth.  Dentists will still exist but only to remind us to smile.  (I went to the dentist today – sorry.)

4.  Will my dog be there?  Will all of our pets be there to greet us on the other side?  Is that only a silly ‘wish’?  And if they are, some of us will end up with a slew of animals hanging around.

5.  Our loved ones are supposed to greet us on the other side…we hear that one a lot.  I choose to believe that theory but…and this but bothers me.  If we’re able to recognize our loved ones in Heaven, will we be able to decipher who is not there??  If there’s no pain in Heaven, wouldn’t that cause pain if we realized a loved one was missing?  (Sigh…this thought makes me perplexed.)

6. It’s forever…FOREVER!  Wow – my brain cannot fathom.

7.  Jobs:  My momma always said that if she had a job in Heaven, it would be taking care of dogs.  That thought makes me smile.  I can see her there, beautiful and confident, herding a slew of Boston Terriers and sneaking them Twizzlers and cheeseburgers from Sonic.  (Her Boston Terrier was very fluffy and wobbled around on skinny legs – hmmm…any guesses why?)  Wonder what my job will be?

8.  Sometimes I just can’t wait to go home.  That feeling came over me one night during a rough patch and I found myself praying those exact words.  Some days I just want to go home, to my real home.  The older I get the more I look towards that place and realize this place is only temporary.

9.  What do see when you visualize Heaven?  Vibrant flowers, towering mountains, a sandy beach, vast fields, a golden mansion – all of that?  None of that? Why does my vision overflow with flowers?

10.  Have you heard the song I Can Only Imagine”?  I love it.  The whole premise of the song is how will you react when you first meet Jesus.  I’ve already decided…and there’s no doubt…I will be a blubbering idiot.  I won’t be able to talk for crying.  And it will most likely be an ugly cry.  You know the kind – sobbing, snot, splotchy red face and a swollen nose.  Not exactly how I’d choose to look when coming face to face with Jesus but I don’t imagine he’ll care.

Oh, Sugar…

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My not-so-secret addiction is sugar.  As in sugar found in sweets like chocolate and desserts.  I don’t drink soft drinks, I don’t drink sweet tea, but if I could get away with it, I’d have dessert every single night (and cookies for a snack around 4:00 every day).  But I can’t get away with it so I mostly ogle desserts from afar.  Now…if we go to someone’s house during the week and they just happen to have pie, I’m all over it.  And if my mother-in-law wants to prepare a dessert to follow Sunday lunch, believe me, I’m there.  I just can’t pass them up.  But each time I eat them, I’m left with guilt (Why did you eat that when you know you’re trying to eat right, and you just walked this morning? So much for burning calories. Why?  Why?).

Sugar has become the latest no-no, the latest trend of evil we put into our bodies.  Experts say sugar can affect the brain in the same way cocaine does.  It can create compulsive eating habits and give you withdrawals when you try to cut back.  It can make you cranky and even mildly depressed.  (Hmmm…I’m just going to be honest.  Chocolate has never, not even one time, made me cranky or depressed.)

Oh, sugar…why you gotta be so bad?

Why does something so good have to be so bad?

And you salties…don’t roll your eyes.  You’re just as bad as the sugar addicts.  You know it!  I watch people around me douse their food with salt every day.  They seem to crave it as much as I crave sugar.  And I don’t crave salt at all.  A little dash in my veggies while they’re cooking and that’s it.

So what’s the difference?  Why do some people crave sugar and some people crave salt?

I won’t even pretend to know why we’re all so different.  We crave different things, taste things differently.  I guess it just means we all have a vice somewhere.  Whether it’s the nightly bowl of ice cream, a hand full of dark chocolate, or a whole bag of chips.

I did find some tips for curbing cravings:  limit processed foods, eat three meals a day, exercise, get out of the house, chew gum.  The one I liked the most was don’t shame yourself.  Isn’t that so true?  I mentioned the guilt my psyche rattles at me when I eat too much sugar – well, that guilt makes me want to scream.  (But honestly, if the little voice inside my head didn’t tell me to stop, I’d eat entirely too much sugar every day.)

Oh, sugar…why you gotta be so good?

You know I love you, but quit begging me to eat the leftover homemade ice cream in the freezer!

This is not me - this is just a representation of how I feel when I eat chocolate!

This is not me – this is just a representation of how I feel when I eat chocolate!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writer’s Block

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What exactly is writer’s block?  I won’t pretend to know, but something is going on.  Something in my head.  I want to write but when I sit down at my computer…nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  And I’m frustrated.  I have this story in my head but it won’t transfer through my fingers to the computer.

I’ve tried to dissect it…this strange clogging of thoughts…and so far this is what I’ve gathered.  Maybe I’m in a funk.  Do you have them?  You know, the I feel thick and sluggish and I’m tired all the time and if I don’t get out of my house soon, somebody’s going to get hurt feeling.  Please tell me that someone else feels this way too!  I’d hate to think I’m the only human being that gets stir crazy.

What’s the culprit?  Many things, I believe.

First, my kids are growing up and they don’t need me as much anymore.  They don’t need me to drive them around.  There are no camps, no trips to town for the thousands of things they need.  Now they do it on their own.  It’s a blessing in so many ways but still…suddenly I’m a momma only needed for the occasional meal, laundry services and advice once or twice a week.  It’s such a dramatic change from life before.  I’ve always said raising children should come with warning labels and this is one of them – I will grow up and leave you.  Suck it up.

Second, I’ve been home-bound this summer.  Not by some injury or ailment.  Just home-bound because I have nothing to do…absolutely nothing.  Which sounds wonderful, I know!  And for the first few weeks of summer it was.  Now, I’m getting restless.  My hubby says I need to get my butt back to work.  Maybe he’s right.

Third, we’ve taken no vacations this summer.  Hubby’s job won’t allow it, and the lack of travel and one-on-one time with my family is making me cranky.  I need to see something else besides the (wonderful) walls of my house.  We’ve always traveled every summer…wonderful places like New York and Maine and Mackinac.  Not this year, and I miss it.

Fourth, I’m not doing enough for others.  I’ve come to the conclusion that my boredom/self-pity/restlessness stems from the giving of myself all school year coming to a screeching halt.  Yes, teachers need a break to recover from one school year before tackling another, but I need to find other ways to give in the summer.  (And honestly, something that has nothing to do with small children – that’s my full-time job.)

So…writers block, writer’s block.  It sucks and it needs to go.  Should I run off to some foreign location for a week?  Or how about kidnap my hubby for a few days and disappear north?  Hmm…or maybe, just maybe, I should go on the hunt for somebody who needs help.  Whatever it is, I’ve got to find a way to clear this funk in my head.  I’m on the count-down for the beginning of the next school year, and I need to start with a fresh, clear, funk-less mind.

Any ideas…anyone, anyone?  Beuller, Beuller?  (Sorry – told you I was going stir crazy!)

My imaginary happy place.

My imaginary happy place.