Monthly Archives: July 2013

Courage

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Courage is something I struggle with on a daily basis. Courage to keep moving forward instead of burying myself under blankets on my couch. Courage to face the never-ending trail of problems that arise with raising teenagers every…single…day. Courage to tackle problems at work when all I really want to do is sit down and cry.

Courage to face life when life is nothing but brutal at times.

Where does it come from? Where does that push come from…the push that propels you forward on stumbling feet into the next hour, the next day, the next week?

There’s no doubt that through the hardest moments in my life I simply executed the feet on the floor plan.  First, put your feet on the floor.  Second, just stand up and move.  Third, don’t forget to breathe.  Somehow, those simple movements worked.

But what about the everyday, mundane activities?  Do those moments require courage or is it something else all together?  Perhaps it’s gumption or nerve.  Perhaps all we need is the desire to think positive, fist-bumping thoughts.  Or perhaps it’s faith – a calming belief that you’re not ever really alone.

I ask for guidance a lot…lots of prayers, lots of listening.  I ask for direction and clarity so that I don’t lose myself in the world’s clutter.  Granted, most of the time I don’t clearly hear anything, and honestly, I may be a little afraid to hear it all.  What if what I want in life and what is my true future don’t mesh?  What if….

So instead of booking a long-term trip on the what if express, I try to do this:  I try to dream (most) every day, I try to focus on today’s problems or glories, whichever they may be, and I try not to worry.  That last one is a hard one for me.  Worry will suck you dry, I have found.

Life is unknown.  It is beautiful, scary, heartbreaking and exciting.  It takes an act of courage to simply be a part of life each and every day.  Courage has to be in there somewhere, doesn’t it?  How would any of us survive if we didn’t have it in us – encouraging us, pushing us, forcing us to take the next step?  Maybe we’re all stronger than we give ourselves credit for.  Strong enough to face life and strong enough to have the audacity to say, “I won’t give up.”  Maybe that’s real courage.

The Dread of Work

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I'll miss you, my friend!

I’ll miss you, my friend!

July came in with a thud, and I’ve found myself in a holding pattern.  Sputtering around, dreading the passing of each day – I’ve begun to hate July.  I know it is a waste of my time, and for most of the day, I can focus on something else.  Still, it sneaks in…sometimes at night, sometimes first thing in the morning.  This dread…this sinking in the pit of my stomach…this weight on my shoulders…

This horrible plague called ‘going back to work’!!

Isn’t it pathetic?  I’m so very grateful for the time I’ve had off.  I promise!!

The thing is, I’ve been able to write a lot this summer, and I’m going to miss it.  When school starts back in two weeks, my time for writing will be cut in half…no, into fourths.  Other writers will understand this feeling…a feeling of utter joy after you lose yourself in words.  That moment when you look up from the computer and hours have passed.  Living in the book you’re writing…talking to the characters, seeing them grow in your mind’s eye.

Oh, how I’ll miss it so.

But, no matter the weight of my job, I won’t give up my writing completely.  I refuse!  Somehow, someway I’ll keep participating in my heart’s joy.

What do you do when the necessities of life try to smother your passion?

Twitter, tweet, twerking…

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Twitter, tweets, twerking…wait I don’t think the last one has anything to do with the first two.  Right?  Today I joined Twitter, and all I can say is…whew…I’m so very confused!  Does that show my age, my lack of social media expertise, or just my reluctance to branch into something new?  I’m afraid it’s all three!

I’ve joined Twitter…by name only.  Now what?  They made me pick a few people to follow.  Check.  Did that.  Now what?  No…really…now what??

I can only use so many characters in a tweet…got that.  BUT…what about the links I saw, and all of the Greek, unknown language I truly didn’t recognize?

This is me rubbing my face, thinking I’ll have to have my 19-year-old help me do this.  UGGG!

So…really…is there anyone who can help?  I want to connect with other writers, other people who are learning how to publish books.  Got any suggestions?  Or know of any good Twitter sites to follow?  (Wait…do they have ‘sites’ or is that just on the internet?  I’m so confused.)

Fiddle-de-de, no that’s not right.  It’s twitter-de-de…I’m done for now – after all, tomorrow is another day.

Happy 4th!!

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firework

Happy Independence Day!

 These may be the only fireworks I see this year.  It is pouring down rain here in Tennessee – buckets and buckets of rain.

The prettiest fireworks I have ever seen were sitting on the beach in Huntington, California.  We were on vacation there, and the fireworks appeared in shapes such as hearts and cubes in the sky – very cool.  My children were most impressed.

I have another reason for fireworks today.   I just finished my current book!  Yahoo!!!!

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Granted, it still needs a ton of editing…but it’s finished, done, and over!  So proud of it and myself for finishing it.  This book has taken me the longest to complete because of work, raising teenagers, major life stress, etc.  You know, all the things we all are bogged down with from time to time.  It feels like a real accomplishment to finally finish it.  I keep singing this little song (I don’t know the words to) in my head – “I don’t care…I love it…I don’t care!”  Couldn’t tell you what the song is about or why it’s in my brain but it’s sort of my celebration song today.

Happy Fourth of July everyone!!!

P.S. – Darla from the Little Rascals movie – “He makes me melt like a popsicle on the fourth of July.”  Don’t you just love it?