“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.” Kim Colbertson
I’m a square peg in a round world. There’s no denying it, and I don’t. It’s who I am – I’ve accepted it, the people I love have for the most part! They’ve learned to love me for who I am, not what I’m not.
Being different isn’t a curse. It isn’t shameful or a scarlet letter to be worn on your chest. Being different is sometimes cumbersome, sometimes frustrating, but it isn’t shameful. Different is actually a blessing, a glimpse of something unusual and unique. I’ve never wanted to be just like everybody else, not deep down. And truthfully, I’ve always known I was different than most.
Living in a small community, there are very little options for the social scene. People gather at other people’s houses, in other people’s barns (yes, barns), at an occasional bar. I do one of those places well. Can you guess which one? Hint: it’s not the barn or the bar. And since I don’t do either of those well, I often find myself alone. Refusing to hinder my family members just because of my distaste for some of these places, I don’t flinch when my husband and son want to gather with friends at a barn.
When we do socialize with friends, my brain, for the most part, is engaged, active, soaking in stories and details, but all the while, another section of my mind is spinning. Either a story I’m working on, or a book I’ve just read, or even a character I’ve really never written about before is tap dancing in another corner of my mind. Perhaps that is my distinct difference. Perhaps that is what makes me unable to quite fit into the world around me.
Granted, there are areas where I’m more comfortable, more secure. At home, at work, typing away madly on my computer. They are secure and warm and don’t scowl when I want to flow to my own rhythm instead of someone else’s. But here’s what I’ve noticed and I know to be true – security can bring complacency and perhaps laziness. Maybe I get too comfortable at home. Maybe I get too ‘settled in my ways’.
So…here’s my resolution for this year. I will (not, I will try)….I will get my books ready to send into agents or publishers. I will not let the trappings of every day life hold me back. I will put my writing out there into the literary world one way or the other. Now that I’ve said it, I will hold myself to it! Time to focus on that side of my life, time to pry open a door I let very few people behind. That is my resolution for 2013, and it feels good to say it and set it free. Happy New Year!