Since I no longer have an earth-bound mother, Mother’s Day has become a (sometimes) forced holiday. It isn’t easy losing a parent, and everyone who has lost one knows that. Losing my mother at 35 forced me to, very suddenly, grow up. Not that I hadn’t been doing that very thing, but I still had a momma that was there if I needed support or a hug or just her presence. All at once, that very concrete tie to the earth was shattered. All at once, it was just over and done. And ever since, Mother’s Day has left me a little weepy and disconnected.
(Still, I wouldn’t wish for my mother to come back. I haven’t wished it one time. Sure, I sometimes long for her hugs and her smile, but would I truly ask her to give up her heavenly home for this world again? Absolutely not. She lives where I plan to be one day. I’ll get her back then.)
So, this year I’m reversing things. Instead of thinking about what is lost, I’m choosing to think about what is here. This year, I’m thinking of my children. To my kids, this moment is to say thank you for being my children. No matter what, I’m your biggest cheerleader, your strongest advocate, and your toughest life-coach. I truly would not change one hair on your head. Your difficulties have made me a stronger person and a better teacher, and your glories have filled me with a giddy joy.
The only thing I would change if I could would be to take some of the pain you’ve had to bear and make it my own, and truly I’ve carried your pain with me every step of the way. As a momma, it’s hard to watch you kids suffer, but I know hard times are part of living, of growing. It takes the good with the bad to become a polished soul.
To my not-so-little babies, thank you for your laughter and silliness, your kindness and strength. Keep striving for the good and the right in life. I love you, Hunny and Little Buddy!